On this date, exactly a month ago, I lost my baby. True enough, as time passed, it all felt so surreal. Like as if you went to watch a movie about it. Or, like as if your friend told you a story about her friend. I can still remember every single thing that happened.
But as a muslim, we need to put our trust in Allah as He is the best of planners.
Still not easy for me but I'm still standing Alhamdulillah. Last Sunday, My MIL gathered uncles and aunties at her place to sedekah doa for Khayr. We are so blessed to have supportive families. I received many well wishes and doa as well; for myself, my family and Khayr. Thank you, every single one of you. May Allah bless all of you.
I had my post gynae check up and everything is clear. He mentioned that he was relieved as he couldn't sleep during the whole week of my abortion episode because he was anxious. If gynae anxious, I lagi siao siao.
Post recovery for abortion is way better than a cesarean recovery. However, given my case, I think I need attention emotionally. That's my challenge this time round. During my cesarean recovery period, it was all about physical pain. Now, it's more on my emotional state.
MONDAY (6/3/2017)
I thought I was doing well three weeks into the recovery period but last Monday, I started vomiting in the morning. I brushed it off thinking I ate something wrong.
TUESDAY (7/3/2017)
It happened again on Tuesday morning.
WEDNESDAY (8/3/2017)
The same thing happened on Wednesday morning. Later that afternoon, I had palpitations again. That feeling that I still remember so clearly. I could feel my heart beating rapidly on my neck and in my ears. I checked my temperature and I was running a fever. I tried to lie down and took deep breaths. Nothing worked. I called Wan to return home immediately because I needed to see a doctor. By that time, I had developed cold sweat.
On the way to polyclinic, I thought about the cause of my palpitations. Could it be a relapse? could my blood count still be low? Am I gonna faint? Do I have any heart issues?
Upon reaching Polyclinic, I immediately told them I had palpitations and they sent me to a room where they check your blood pressure and heart rate. I was at 143 bpm. I tried to calm down. They got me a wheelchair and Wan pushed me to the doctor's room.
She confirmed my heart rate and sent me for ECG and blood test for thyroid. My ECG readings were just like the one post abortion. The beating is coming from the right place, just that it is very fast. As I had a hospital referral letter, she suspected that my palpitations was because of my thyroid. She gave me pink pills saying that if my heart rate goes above 120 bpm, just pop one pill. She sent us home and told us to come back for the thyroid results. I went home, popped a pill and my heart rate went back to normal.
THURSDAY (9/3/2017)
I vomited again in the morning. At about noon, the doctor called me asking how I was and that the results for my thyroid was in. My thyroid was perfectly fine. The readings went up post abortion because my body couldn't take the stress from all the medications and whatnot. She told me to go straight to the doctor if I have palpitations again since we ruled out thyroid as the cause.
An hour after she called, I had palpitations again. I told Wan that I did not want to rely on the pills that she gave us and I timed my own heart rate( God knows if it was accurate or not). Fortunately, it wasn't as high as the previous day. I was on the bed for a good hour and a half, took a short nap and my heart rate came down again.
FRIDAY (10/3/2017)
Yup, vomited again as soon as I woke up. At about 11am, I had palpitations again. I decided to go back to Polyclinic. We got a different doctor this time. He told us that it could be my heart. He sent us for ECG again and it had the same results as all my previous ECGs. He scheduled me for a visit to the cardiologist at the hospital(which is coming up and I'm terrified) and told me stay calm and avoid any light exercises even. He gave me nausea pills saying that he hoped the vomiting was not related to my palpitations and that it was because of gastric flu or something.
We talked about the possibilities of it being a relapse and he said could not be. I asked about the fact that too many cytotec pills were inserted during abortion, could this be a side effect? He quickly ruled that out as well saying that those kind of pills diffuse fast in your blood. Hormonal imbalance was something I asked about too but he ruled that out as well saying that it has been three weeks and my hormones and body should be getting better not any worse.
I was stumped.
Now, it has been four days and Alhamdulillah, I haven't had any palpitations and have not vomited since then. Although I do have chest tightness, it's bearable. I hope to maintain this till my cardiologist session, InshaaAllah.
My MIL passed me her wrist blood pressure thingy so I can check my heart rate anytime. My blood pressure is quite low most of the time so I'm wondering if I had palpitations because of that. *Doctor Google mode on*
Right now, I just need to focus on eating clean and also be emotionally and physically stable.
Like my mum said, when He gives you hardship and sickness, He will take away your sins. Amin.
Keeping Khayr in my prayers,
Ja
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